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Crime Tourist

By May 28, 2024May 30th, 2024No Comments
Criminal Tourist

[Opening scene: A picturesque South American beach, complete with palm trees and sunbathers. A suave and charismatic host in a tropical shirt and sunglasses addresses the camera.]

Host: “Are you tired of the same old vacation destinations? Sick of the same beaches and tourist traps? Well, have we got the adventure for you!”

[Cut to a map of the United States with a big red arrow pointing to Oakland County, Michigan.]

Host: “Welcome to Oakland County, Michigan – the land of opportunity for the savvy crime tourist!”

[Upbeat, catchy music begins to play. Cut to scenes of upscale neighborhoods, fancy cars, and people unwittingly going about their day.]

Host (voiceover): “Oakland County boasts some of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the Midwest. With valuables practically begging to be picked up, you’ll wonder why you didn’t visit sooner!”

[Cut to a shot of a family loading up their car for a vacation, leaving their home unguarded.]

Host (voiceover): “Homes left unattended while the owners vacation? Check!”

[Cut to a montage of people leaving purses and electronics in plain sight in their cars.]

Host (voiceover): “Expensive gadgets left in unlocked cars? Double check!”

[Cut to an upscale mall with people walking around, clearly distracted.]

Host (voiceover): “Distracted shoppers at high-end malls? Triple check!”

[Cut to a luxury car dealership with a clueless salesman.]

Host (voiceover): “And don’t forget those luxury car dealerships. Who needs a rental when you can drive in style?”

[Cut to the host standing in front of a sign that reads “Welcome to Oakland County, the Land of Opportunity.”]

Host: “Oakland County is the perfect playground for the discerning crime tourist. Whether you’re after designer handbags, the latest electronics, or just some good old-fashioned cash, it’s all here waiting for you!”

[Cut to a scene of the host driving a stolen luxury car, laughing and throwing dollar bills out the window.]

Host: “So pack your bags, bring your best heist gear, and come experience the lucrative side of Michigan. Oakland County – where the loot is ripe for the picking!”

[Cut to a final shot of the host, now in a jail cell, winking at the camera.]

Host: “And remember, if things don’t go as planned, you’ll get a free stay in one of our fine correctional facilities. It’s all part of the adventure!”

[Screen fades to black with the words “Oakland County: The Ultimate Crime Tourist Destination” and a cheesy jingle playing in the background.]

Voiceover: “Disclaimer: This ad is purely satirical. Crime doesn’t pay, and all activities depicted are illegal and strongly discouraged. Always follow the law and respect others’ property.”

[Fade out with the sound of jail cell doors closing.]