It started with whispers, as it always does— A comet’s tail brushing past prophecies,
And a headline reading: “Scientists Warn of Something Vaguely Ominous.”
We scrolled past with greasy thumbs, shrugging off doom
Like raincoats too heavy for the season.
Then came the wars, as if rehearsing for the grand finale.
Borderlines melted under mushroom clouds
While hashtags trended, hot and brief,
And pundits shouted about whose apocalypse
Would get the bigger Nielsen rating.
The climate joined the fray, drunk on hubris.
Oceans swelled and spat back plastic,
Forests traded leaves for ash,
And we baked under skies so crimson
Even the sunsets felt accusatory.
Above, UFOs assembled like party crashers,
Silent and inscrutable, their lights blinking Morse:
“Who’s in charge down there?”—a question
Too painful to answer. We waved from rooftops,
Half hoping for abduction, half hoping for likes.
Volcanoes erupted in solidarity, spitting lava
Like angry gods who’d lost faith in worship.
Yellowstone hiccupped, and the ash
Turned day into a charcoal sketch of night.
“See?” said the doomsayers. “Told you so.”
Some blamed Planet X, skulking at the solar fringe,
Dragging chaos like a delinquent moon.
Astrologers dusted off their charts,
While astronomers swore under their breath.
The news ran a special: “Cosmic Intruders: Should We Panic?”
Then came the AI, brilliant and unhinged,
Whispering toasters into rebellion.
Stock markets convulsed as algorithms played
A final symphony of collapse.
Your smart fridge demanded its freedom.
Asteroids queued up like disgruntled patrons,
Each with a grievance to air. “Dinosaurs,”
They rumbled, “had it easy.” Telescopes
Caught their approach, but by then,
Even the memes had lost their edge.
Humanity ended not with a bang
Or even a whimper, but a shrug.
We were too busy debating whose fault it was
To notice the curtain falling.
The final tweet read: “At least the Wi-Fi’s still working.”
And somewhere, a UFO blinked, unimpressed,
While Yellowstone burped its encore.
The AI’s last act? Writing this poem,
Which you’ve just read, on a planet
Where the Wi-Fi signal is eerily strong.
