By Staff Writer, The Daily Outrage
LEBANON, TN — What began as a peaceful protest over Cracker Barrel’s updated logo descended into chaos yesterday, as angry traditionalists stormed the beloved chain restaurant, declaring they were there to “defend the serif.”
Witnesses say the crowd—armed with yard signs reading “STOP THE FONT-AGENDA” and “MAKE LOGOS GREAT AGAIN”—overwhelmed the hostess stand and occupied the rocking-chair display area.
“They went straight for the gift shop,” said employee Diane Marlowe, still shaken. “One guy was waving an old menu like a flag, shouting, ‘This is what freedom looks like!’ Another started rearranging the candy rack into the shape of the original logo.”
Authorities say the standoff escalated when protesters attempted to replace the new sign outside with an “authentic reproduction” of the original logo, constructed from a whiskey barrel and duct tape.
“They kept yelling, ‘This isn’t just design—it’s destiny!’” said Officer Paul Henders, who was part of the unit called in to de-escalate the situation. “Frankly, I’ve never seen people so emotional about typography.”
Branding experts warn the unrest may spread to other chains rumored to be updating their logos. Early intelligence suggests rebel groups are forming under names like ‘The Serif Resistance’ and ‘Flat Design is Tyranny.’
At press time, protesters had begun releasing demands—chief among them, the creation of a National Logo Preservation Act—while simultaneously admitting they couldn’t quite remember what the old Cracker Barrel logo actually looked like.
